This is about my life and my struggles.

Lately I have seemed to struggle with spiritual issues.  I used to be different. I used to be a devoted Christian. I seem to struggle with faith, trust, hope, and love. I sometimes wonder if these even exist in the supernatural realm. In the last few years the only thing I can seem to  have faith in is myself and man. I feel like GOD has let me down on so many levels. My heart, mind, soul, and body is broken. I wonder if I will ever find myself again. I feel lost in a world of uncertainty not knowing how to even believe anymore . I wonder if it is me that has left this relationship or if GOD has decided to take a break for a  while. I say he has taken a break because I have been taught that he never leaves or forsakes you–or so I have been told. I am torn and conflicted with  the stories of my life. Why have things happened as they have?  Why I am in the position I am in today. Why do I feel so alone in life and why are my questions never answered. Why do I feel like GOD is against me ? Does he not want me to at least survive? I am sure his plan is to not let my child be homeless, or go without food, or shelter. Yet at times I believe GOD is testing my endurance and keeping my life in a crisis. Why, when he can end it all right now? What is the point. I used to believe. Now, I wonder if I really believed in what I was believing in, or if I am just a weak Christian. I also wonder just how much more heartbreak I can take.

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